Another week

Last week I made a supposed promise to myself that I will stop buying books and start reading through my current collection. I have a nasty habit of buying and not always reading. My promise lasted a few days. I ended up picking up a book at the thrift store (it was free, so maybe I didn't break it?) A few years back a friend gave me a copy of the "Illustrated Man" by Ray Bradbury. Ever since then it's been one of my favorite books to gift to others. I'm not sure why I didn't explore other books, aside from "Fahrenheit 451" which was required reading in high school. I remember reading a post from Caitlin where Bradbury was mentioned and it peaked my interest again, so when I stumbled upon the book above I was pretty excited. I never thought myself to be much of a sci-fi fan when it comes to reading but Bradbury's writing style sucks me in and now I need more. 

Anyway, back to my promise, I'm going to try to go through my library and start reading those ignored books. I used to love reading and I'm not sure what happened to that. Maybe it will help teach me about proper grammar and how to stop abusing commas? I fucking love commas. 

Also this week:

I dislike cats but found taunting one with my shoelace was fairly amusing. Note that I am easily amused. 

Discovered that my turtle grew. A LOT. He's been living at Alex's mom's for a year and I've been a bad mother who rarely visits. Below is him 57 weeks ago, I only know this because instagram says so. Once upon a time he was a mini turtle. 

I didn't believe Alex when he said turtles will grow as long as their tank is large. My little guy will be 4 fairly soon. He had a sister but she unfortunately passed away when they were first gifted to me. I'm actually not sure if it's a she or a he because I suck at figuring that out and should probably google it. Whatever.

I can't hold on to grudges forever.
I inhaled the sea air and released.

Maui, I love you. Thank you for my moment of clarity.

The Scribble Diary

photo by Lisa Currie. One awesome artist.

I love spending time on Doodlers Anonymous. It's a great community of artists where egos don't run high. Their latest post discussing a fantastic brainstorming book (call it as you please, the possibilities are endless with this diary) is something I'd like to share with anyone passing by. If you like to doodle, sketch, draw and keep a diary, but often find yourself saying "where do I start," this book is where you start. I love that it reads like a diary but you can adapt it to your style. I can't often express myself with words daily but I love converting shapes into the words I can't write. Doodle your day.

When artists take the time to develop something to help other creative minds, I'm in full support.

Here's two more spots where you can learn more:
TheScribbleDiary.com
Busy Body-Lazy Bones.com (Lisa Currie's blog)

Things you keep to yourself

Strangers who have no problem with handing over their documented secrets make me laugh. It never fails that daily, people leave behind IDs, reports, love letters and personal secrets in the machines.

Every so often a friendly older man would come in, we would exchange the courteous retail smile and move along. One day he forgot a stack of his paperwork. I never knew his name so I figured something in the stack would tell me who he was so I could set it aside for him. Turns out the guy taught karate, has a family, kids and is a convicted pedophile. His stack was a mixture of work related documents, church documents and certificates from the church stating he's now "cured." The cured karate man called shortly after asking if anyone left a stack of paperwork in one the machines, he came in later that day and never showed his face again.

Sometimes I wonder how many other creeps I've encountered but then it quickly washes away when I discover puppy photos in the machine.

Going in circles

Where do you find motivation and inspiration?
Sometimes my mind feels like a constant rut and I can't figure out where to "go."
I've always loved to draw. It's been my distraction. I space out, stop listening, draw lines and circles freely and create. But, it's been just that, a distraction.

Society puts this huge pressure on us with idealistic views of success. Well, is it idealistic? Or is that what I call it because I can't seem to achieve it. How do you measure it? It's been mind boggling to watch my friends grow, thrive, learn and function. Why is it that I still haven't figured out what the fuck I'm doing with my life?! I've been holding on to this constant anxiety as I wait for some sort of an epiphany. Then as I type that I realize I just made another excuse. Supposedly if I work for what I want and set my mind to it, I'll achieve it. Understood, but how do I figure out what the hell 'it' is?

There was a lot of its in there.
"we all float."

Currently

Anxiously counting down the days until Hawaii. I've never taken a real vacation. I've never gone somewhere new and immersed myself into exploring my surroundings. Aside from warm beaches and staring down seaturtles, I'm most excited to eat! I'm not a big seafood fan and for years despised veggies, I promised myself I'll be open to new tastes --- except spam. Spam is always questionable.

Revisiting old photos. For years I constantly had a camera attached to my hands. I loved taking pictures of everything and my old deadjournals/livejournals suffered through it. I was the pesky friend who insisted on documenting everything... not always a good thing. My camera has been dead for at least a year now and I know I can't really blog without photos so here goes another promise. I will take more pictures and not post photos that are 3 years old (above. oops). Maybe now I'll bother to learn to take decent photos that aren't blurry? Questionable.

Watching Law and Order SVU. Getting rid of cable was a great/poor decision. I said "no cable will encourage me to read and draw more." Sike. Getting rid of cable caused me to obsess over shows and marathon all day. I'm up to episode 157. I can't be alone in this addiction!

Encouraging myself. I'm fucking hard on myself. There's nothing to it. I'm judgmental, mean and rude to myself. I'm getting older and these childish games with myself just need to end. Living my life trying to compare myself to others and feeling pitiful of myself is shameless. I'll never be my minds idea of "perfection." That is unless I quit self-loathing and make an effort to improve myself. So, I'm encouraging myself to enjoy life, grow, make the self improvements I desire, and live without self-doubt. Maybe I should do this daily?

Eating butterfly gummies I stole from my roommate because it's my life and they are delicious.

Lastly, I'm avoiding taking a shower. I'm an idiot who scheduled a bikini wax because I love torturing myself. Hello ma'am, nice to meet you, sure, go ahead and rip apart my skin and make me hate your guts.

Free writing

Being social makes me fucking anxious, I'm not going to lie. I often talk out of my ass, stumble over words or make awkward conversation. Throughout junior high and high school I always kept an online journal for free writing because I enjoyed not knowing my audience or having that weird feeling of being judged. I've been lucky that Alex has allowed me to be a fool since the beginning. Below definitely helps describe me. Blogging now seems so different than when I was younger. Everyone has some sort of niche, don't you ever feel like just writing?

"I've decided to stop taking my sleeping pills. So far it's not working out very well because it's almost 3 in the morning and sleep seems to be impossible. I have too much time on my hands lately but never seem to have time to clean my room. I keep starting books and never finishing them. I like how when I attempt to clean I leave one very clean corner then get distracted by something. I swear I'm not messy. I think it'd be fun to spy in a thrift store and see people buy your stuff. I like discovering old toys. I made friends with my slinky and wished I was bright enough to think of bending wires and have it tumble down the stairs. I always wanted an etch a sketch, maybe I'll finally buy one and amuse myself with dirty sketches. I'm going to start doing illustrations for a friends short stories and I'm pretty excited. Supposedly my shirts are finally going into print tomorrow, supposedly. I wonder if monkeys are soft. While riding my bike earlier I saw a cat and got a little scared. I wonder what possums feel like. I like platano frito. Why do dogs smell each other's butts? I like imagining what peoples dogs would sound like if they could speak. Diane gave me a xl large dark knight shirt to wear for the release, it looks like a dress but they said I still have to wear pants, whatever. I wish I could draw on my car. I like all crusts." (sent sometime in 2009)